The weekend was super busy. JoJo had a showcase performance and Installation for Job's Daughters. LouLou had cheer competition -which I didn't get to go to. They did take 2nd and qualified for state again!!! I only cried four times the whole week...pretty amazing if you ask me. I asked Daddy how he does it. He said he just doesn't think about it. I wonder if that's really true or not. I'm sure he does...he just doesn't want to tell the truth. I need to make these next 43 days count - sure am trying to.
We were watching the news Thursday morning and saw where a UH60 crashed and injured the crew in California. I could not turn the channel fast enough and JoJo saw it. Craptastic, I know. I really try to not watch local news at all...but I am totally missing the local weather reports. We have not let her watch any news reports about the sweet children from Sandy Hook. JoJo was very upset. I tried to comfort her and let her knew the crew were safe, they are all alive. But she wanted nothing to do with it. There is no way I could let her watch the reports about Sandy Hook.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Devotions | Proverbs 31 Ministries
Okay God --- so I just posted about letting go, sign into Facebook and see this post from Proverbs 31 Ministries. Thanks for the reminder. I love you too.
Devotions | Proverbs 31 Ministries
"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." Psalm 55:22 (NIV)
Recently I met a friend for coffee.
This is one of the great bonuses of having my son home from college. He needs money. I need time. My daughters need activity. So he took them to an indoor fun center that is the delight to many a child.
Not that I was feeling like I needed a break from all the family togetherness.
But my friend needed me.
So, we met and chatted and processed a situation I wish we didn't have to process — mean people.
I know I should say that people aren't mean. Sometimes people just do mean things.
And I know there are always two sides to every story. Glory be do I ever realize there are two sides. But during the holidays when "nice" is usually served up in high fashion, even the slightest meanness can seem really huge.
And knowing that in years past, my friend had spent way too many days crying during the holidays made me sad. For her. For the people who were mean to her during this time. For the reality that we Christians can be mean sometimes. We can be sharp and cutting and too tired to find the right words.
Not long ago, I got an email from someone who was too tired to find the right words. I still don't understand what caused her to be in such a tiff. And though I made my fingers type words back to her that were gentle and graceful, I will admit that what I really wanted to do was get in her face and tell her a thing or two. Boy did I have the perfect comeback. Because I can be mean. Just like those people who hurt my friend.
We are all more alike than we care to admit.
And not that I want to wax philosophical today, but here I go anyhow.
There's a bucket inside each heart where hurts are dumped. Little hurts, big hurts, past hurts—they all get dumped into this slop bucket. We think we're fine because the hurts are contained. We think we've dealt with the hurts because they aren't rising to the surface that often. But then someone comes along and kicks that slop bucket with a mean word or two and it spills over.
Sloshing. Spilling. Leaking. Staining. And every word we speak in response carries some of what's in our slop bucket.
So here's the thing.
Slop can be good if it's been turned into compassion. Some people have let Jesus touch their slop, mixing in mercy, grace, forgiveness, and a love that reaches just beyond what we're capable of on our own.
But too many of us have let our slop bucket sit and ferment in pride, resistance, our right to be right, and bitterness that cuts off our potential to grow into the woman we're designed to become. So, instead of compassion, the harshest judgment drips out with each of our words.
Compassion. Judgment. The reality that every girl has a slop bucket.
These are good things to think about over coffee when you've sent your kids away to play.
Dear Lord, You are worthy to be praised! Help me lean on You to heal all of my hurts and frustrations. I know that only You can change my slop into compassion, and for that I am grateful. Soften my heart, Lord, and continue to transform me into the woman You designed me to become. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Lysa TerKeurst's New York Times best selling book, Unglued, will help you learn how to control your emotions and reactions in any situation.
Give the gift that keeps on giving! Your friends will thank you when you purchase an Unglued Bible Study bundle for all of you to enjoy together.
Reflect and Respond:
Have you been allowing God to mix love and compassion into your slop bucket?
Write down a real life response you gave to someone while operating out of negative feelings. Underline hurtful words and replace them with helpful ones. Practice this technique several times until reacting in a positive way is more natural than reacting negatively.
Power Verses:
Ezekiel 36:26-27, "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." (NIV)
Devotions | Proverbs 31 Ministries
Daily Devotion for December 14, 2012 A Gift for Him
"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." Psalm 55:22 (NIV)
Recently I met a friend for coffee.
This is one of the great bonuses of having my son home from college. He needs money. I need time. My daughters need activity. So he took them to an indoor fun center that is the delight to many a child.
Not that I was feeling like I needed a break from all the family togetherness.
But my friend needed me.
So, we met and chatted and processed a situation I wish we didn't have to process — mean people.
I know I should say that people aren't mean. Sometimes people just do mean things.
And I know there are always two sides to every story. Glory be do I ever realize there are two sides. But during the holidays when "nice" is usually served up in high fashion, even the slightest meanness can seem really huge.
And knowing that in years past, my friend had spent way too many days crying during the holidays made me sad. For her. For the people who were mean to her during this time. For the reality that we Christians can be mean sometimes. We can be sharp and cutting and too tired to find the right words.
Not long ago, I got an email from someone who was too tired to find the right words. I still don't understand what caused her to be in such a tiff. And though I made my fingers type words back to her that were gentle and graceful, I will admit that what I really wanted to do was get in her face and tell her a thing or two. Boy did I have the perfect comeback. Because I can be mean. Just like those people who hurt my friend.
We are all more alike than we care to admit.
And not that I want to wax philosophical today, but here I go anyhow.
There's a bucket inside each heart where hurts are dumped. Little hurts, big hurts, past hurts—they all get dumped into this slop bucket. We think we're fine because the hurts are contained. We think we've dealt with the hurts because they aren't rising to the surface that often. But then someone comes along and kicks that slop bucket with a mean word or two and it spills over.
Sloshing. Spilling. Leaking. Staining. And every word we speak in response carries some of what's in our slop bucket.
So here's the thing.
Slop can be good if it's been turned into compassion. Some people have let Jesus touch their slop, mixing in mercy, grace, forgiveness, and a love that reaches just beyond what we're capable of on our own.
But too many of us have let our slop bucket sit and ferment in pride, resistance, our right to be right, and bitterness that cuts off our potential to grow into the woman we're designed to become. So, instead of compassion, the harshest judgment drips out with each of our words.
Compassion. Judgment. The reality that every girl has a slop bucket.
These are good things to think about over coffee when you've sent your kids away to play.
Dear Lord, You are worthy to be praised! Help me lean on You to heal all of my hurts and frustrations. I know that only You can change my slop into compassion, and for that I am grateful. Soften my heart, Lord, and continue to transform me into the woman You designed me to become. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Lysa TerKeurst's New York Times best selling book, Unglued, will help you learn how to control your emotions and reactions in any situation.
Give the gift that keeps on giving! Your friends will thank you when you purchase an Unglued Bible Study bundle for all of you to enjoy together.
Reflect and Respond:
Have you been allowing God to mix love and compassion into your slop bucket?
Write down a real life response you gave to someone while operating out of negative feelings. Underline hurtful words and replace them with helpful ones. Practice this technique several times until reacting in a positive way is more natural than reacting negatively.
Power Verses:
Ezekiel 36:26-27, "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." (NIV)
T-minus 47 days
My list of things to do before deployment seems to be growing by the minute. The anxiety is building. It seems that tears seem to fall down my face all the time, at the most inopportune time, big ol' giant crocodile tears. It's pretty pathetic actually. I know I look like a total fool. The kids at school must think I have completely fallen off my rocker. I'm really just counting down the days to Christmas break to enjoy a little downtime with Daddy and the girls. Only 4 more work days to go. I am really not in the Christmas spirit. I've got a tree up. Not that I really wanted a fake tree. I think it's ugly. JoJo did a great job decorating it. I just think fake trees are just that - FAKE. I'm a real tree kind of girl. This year...well it just did not happen. We were blessed with this tree. Things are pretty tight, didn't even think we could get a tree. But good old Freddy's had all the fake ugly trees they had left on clearance. Couldn't pass up a $15 tree. Yep...$15. I know Christmas is not about gifts. It's not GIFT-mas, it's CHRIST-mas. We are thankful for the blessing we have. I may not know what will be on the table tomorrow or how it will get there but I know that I have a roof over my head, my health, my husband, my girls and the Lord. God is good. I know that because the day we had our power disconnected (yep...sucks hun?) we got an awesome full sized Gillette Fusion ProGlide Razor sample in the mail. How awesome is that! Daddy was just complaining about how our razors sucked...and God provided him with a good one! It's one of those that you got a coupon for $5 off the refill cartridge. See I told you God is GOOD! I know I can get through this craziness, once I let go. Once I turn to God, and let help hold my hand. I'll get there...I've got to.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
T-minus 50 days
I have to admit, I'm not doing as well with the whole deployment thing as I thought I was. I was stumbling around the internet the other day and found this article on Faith Deployed. This really hits it on the head. I am struggling, I am lost, I am hurt, I am not sure what to do or where to go. I feel alone. I feel like I am going to fail. I am mad. I in pain. I can't ask for help, I have to be strong for my kids and my husband. This is our first deployment and things are vastly different for us. Our unit families are spread out across the state and most are single. Welcome to the National Guard. I've met a few of the wives, only once. I don't know their names or who they even belong too. It's not like I have a unit community to turn to like the active duty have. Yes, I do have some family close to me...but yet they are a million miles away too. These words are as close to my own as they could be.
Dear Civilian Friend,
The other day you said to me, "I always want to minister to you, but I don't know how." I know I haven't made it easy on you to figure out the "how." Blame it on Rosie the Riveter and her "I can do it all" attitude or perhaps Lifetime's Army Wives and their ability to solve all the drama of military life in 60 minutes or less. Blame it on the pride that comes with this lifestyle, constantly whispering in my ear, asking for help is showing weakness. It's not fair to you. Or me. Because you want to help and I need it. So here it is. Everything I wished you knew but I can't seem to tell you.
First and foremost, I need your prayers. Pray for strength and endurance during yet another separation from the love of my life. Pray for my kids because they are struggling without daddy right now. No matter how old they are, no matter how many deployments they've been through, every separation is hard on them. And nothing hurts a momma more than to see her kiddos hurting and knowing there is nothing I can do. Pray for my husband. Pray for his safety. Pray for his mind to be able to process the ugliness of war. Pray for our marriage, that it can endure the trials and temptations that come with every departure. Pray for our country and the leaders in charge of putting our husband and father in harm's way. Just above all else, pray for me, friend.
You should know that I probably won't ask for much. In fact, you should probably just adopt a "don't ask, just tell" policy with me. I am coming to watch your kids Monday night. I am coming to mow your lawn next Tuesday. This will be much more effective with me than a blanket "Let me know if you need anything." Like I said, blame it on Rosie the Riveter or this stubborn pride of mine, but I probably won't ask you for the help I so desperately need. And if I do, know that it took A LOT for me to get to that point so never make me feel bad about it because I may not ask again. I know the air filter was really dirty and should have been cleaned months ago, but I'm just doing the best that I can, a day at a time.
I need you to walk with me through this deployment. How this translates in real, practical terms is different for each one of us but try and figure it out. Many days I am treading water and can feel like I am about to go under. It may be a break from the kids. Sometimes a trip to the grocery store alone can feel like a day at the spa. Come give my kids a bath and help me get them to bed and I will feel like a new woman. Carry the baby asleep in the carseat to my car and the burden will literally feel lighter. Take my trash can to the curb every Wednesday night so I don't awake in a panic at midnight and have to run outside to do it. Invite me for dinner so the nights don't feel so lonely. Ask me to spend the holidays with you because I am so far from my family. Drop off dinner so I don't have to cook one night. Help fix that leaky faucet so I don't have to figure out which plumber won't rip me off in this town I am new in. Come clean my bathrooms because I can never get to them. Mow my yard without even asking. Change the oil in my car, something my husband usually does, so that I don't have to lug the babies to Jiffy Lube. Watch my kids while I go to the doctor so I don't have to pay for another babysitter. Offer to come stay the night so I can sleep soundly and not jump at every creak I hear. Just come over and chat, I missing having someone to talk to. Listen to me and you will probably figure out quickly some ways you can show me you care.
Keep encouraging me. Bear with me through this whole deployment. It is like a death. At the beginning, the offers of help and words of encouragement are plentiful, but as I near the end, weary and tired, when I need it the most, they trail off. Remind me of God's word and His promises. I can become consumed in missing my man and I need to constantly be told that God has a purpose and plan for me in this life just as much as he has one for my husband. Help me find it because sometimes my vision gets so clouded with tears.
I know you don't every understand everything about my life. Don't be afraid to ask questions. It's taken years for me to learn this many acronyms. I want you to understand more and I don't mind explaining. You don't have to pity me, but I want your empathy. If you see me huddling with my fellow military wives, don't think I don't want to let you in. It's just that we speak the same language and we have seen each other at the lowest points so we are bonded in an incredible way. That doesn't mean I don't desire to have a close bond with you too. But, they are just my default. You can offer me a perspective outside of this life. I need that.
Please know I am grateful for all your help. Though I may not write you a thank you card for each and every act, know I so appreciate it. I know I can get wrapped up in my own hardships and sometimes I forget to ask how I can pray for you. I am sorry. I know God's comfort so I should be comforting you in your difficulties with the same comfort I have received. I need to work on that. And I need to help you with your needs as well and use the gifts and talents He has given me in ministering to you. Just because my husband is gone, doesn't mean I can't serve you. I know it is better to give than to receive.
We are not that different. My husband just took a job where the uncertainty of life is simply in our faces all the time. You sometimes can pretend you are in control of your life. I know I am not. God can use that as a launching pad for an incredible faith and trust in Him. Or Satan can use that to send me into a whirlwind of fear. Help me out of the spiral of anxiety if you see me spinning in it.
I'm glad I was able to tell you all the things I never did before. I hope this helps you figure out how to minister to me. I should have told you sooner, but I just didn't know how. I need you more than ever these days as the deployments keep coming and the challenges get harder and harder with each moment. Our family can't do this calling without you so thank you for noticing us and caring enough to show us we aren't alone in this.
Thank you, friend.
Love,
A Military Wife
About Catherine:
Catherine Fitzgerald is the proud wife a U.S. Marine. She was a contributor to Faith Deployed…Again and wrote the group study guides for Faith Deployed and Faith Deployed…Again. She currently lives just outside of Wilmington, North Carolina. Her husband is a CH-53 Helicopter pilot and together they have two children, Grace and Asher. She currently leads a ministry called Operation: Hope Front that ministers to the needs of fellow military families in her area through her local church. Her family also serves in the college ministry, where she has found an endless supply of babysitters and lawn mowers for every deployment.
When she's not changing diapers, chasing her first born, or doing ministry, she loves to cook, party plan, shop, and write. Her greatest joy in military life is seeing the gospel transform the lives of her military sisters through the application of scripture to their daily walk.
Monday, December 10, 2012
T - minus 51 days
The finial countdown again. This time it's much for difficult. I'm wondering if I am going to make it this time. I honestly feel like, I'm going to fail. I have not plan, I don't even know where to start in making a plan. I did bring a spiral notebook with me to work today to start to write down questions I have.
Do you know I don't even know where the water shut off is or the electrical panel is? I mean how stupid is that. Two basic things, I have no idea where they even are. So I need to start a list. I need to get answers to my questions and at least have a plan.
We were given a book at our Yellow Ribbon event it's called National Guard 101 A Handbook for Spouses by Mary Corbett. I flipped through it last night. I must way it was pretty informative and had some helpful information. Going to read it this evening. It also reminded me to get a a flipping plan in place. So time is running out and I have to get a dang plan in place, and I need to do it now.
Do you know I don't even know where the water shut off is or the electrical panel is? I mean how stupid is that. Two basic things, I have no idea where they even are. So I need to start a list. I need to get answers to my questions and at least have a plan.
We were given a book at our Yellow Ribbon event it's called National Guard 101 A Handbook for Spouses by Mary Corbett. I flipped through it last night. I must way it was pretty informative and had some helpful information. Going to read it this evening. It also reminded me to get a a flipping plan in place. So time is running out and I have to get a dang plan in place, and I need to do it now.
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